Gray is not a color I want to be...

I am approaching the end of my tissue expansion process in the next week or two. Last week's expansion brought the first bout of pain that I had to endure since the process started. I found I had to carefully manuever my left arm so that I guarded my muscle as much as possible. When I moved just the right way it would send a sharp pain from my breast all the way around to my back area. I took ibuprofen for a couple of days, and by early Friday I was doing much better. Dr. Burgess said this is to be expected as when the expanders get fuller and fuller, they will obviously put more pressure on my pectoral muscle, which is already in a weakened state from the tumor being there. She only had to put 50cc's in each breast this week vs. the 100 we had been doing, since I am getting close to the end of the weekly "fill ups".

The original plan was be done with that part, and then move directly into radiation. However, we met with my radiation oncologist yesterday (Dr. Kang) and he is not certain he wants to proceed with radiation. It turns out that I am in sort of gray area. Usually radiation is required when the tumor is over 5cm, mine was 4. And then the additional factor is if it went into the lymph nodes, which mine did not. Radiation carries certain risks with it, and can cause cancer on its own. Statitics show that usually by 20 years post-radiation that cancer is a real risk. In patients that are 60 or 70, this isn't as much of a factor in deciding whether they should proceed with radiation given that supposedly at that age, a person would usually live to their life expectancy by the time radiation risks would kick in anyway. However, since I am only 40, the radiation risks are, as he puts it, "very real". So, he said he is left in sort of a gray area of what to do with me. Since my cancer was in the muscle, the preference would be to radiate to really make ultra sure not even a single cancer cell remains. Being in the muscle, it is much harder for them to do tests to rule out any suspicious cells. If radiation carried no risks of its own, then he said there would be no reason not to "throw the kitchen sink" at me and give me every treatment possible. At this point it is 50/50 on the benefits outweighing the risks, so he wants to talk to some of his colleagues from various facilities and universities to get their take on how they would proceed with a case like mine. His words to us were, "They will have to convince me that radiating is the way to go for you." So...he is going to work on contacting them and will get back to me early next week about how they have decided to proceed. I am not sure how to feel about this, as I am usually one of those that embraces doing whatever it takes to make sure the cancer doesn't return. But, on the flip side knowing what all the possible risks are, there is no way to say that 20 years down the line I won't really regret pushing for radiation. This is where I need to trust that God will give them the guidance and insight they need to make the best decision they can and I will put my trust in that.

While there yesterday, the sweet nurse, Ko is her name, gave us a packet of info regarding what to expect during the radiation process. She was concerned about overloading me with too much information, but I am definitely a person who feels like "knowledge is power" so bring on the informational websites, brochures, testimonials, etc. One website she shared with me was called "An Introduction to External Beam Radiation Therapy". Because I am often asked what various procedures are like by supportive friends and family, and because so many newly diagnosed are referring to my blog, I have included a link to the video site. It is a wonderful video that answers so many basic questions about radiation, and gives a glimpse of what to expect.

http://www.rtanswers.org/treatmentinformation/whattoexpect/index.aspx


Thank you for your continued prayers and please continue to pray that the doctors will find clarity in the best way to handle my treatment.