Hopefully everyone had a good Christmas. We celebrated with family and friends, as it should be. It was emotionally tough during some parts as we tried to weave old traditions with new ones without my Dad, but all in all it was a good Christmas. As we get ready to celebrate the new year, I reflect on 2011 and can honestly say that I have never looked more forward to heading into another year...one with fresh starts and GOOD HEALTH!
There were a few things, silver linings in the dark clouds, that I will carry with me as positives into the new year. Despite the circumstances, it was wonderful to see how many people my Dad had a positive effect on. I have always known what a great man he was. He was always there for us growing up, a terrific Grandpa to our kids, as well as a Grandpa figure to many of Courtney's friends. But to have others further removed from our family circle who only knew a small part of him share how he touched their life is really something to celebrate. I have heard him referred to as a great role model, a great boss, a wonderful Christian, someone who is there to lend a helping hand, and so much more. As I said, I knew all of those things about him, but when you hear how he helped someone's life years ago during such a brief encounter or taught young men how to be a good family man by example, I can only hope that my life will continue to be a good reflection of God's love and how to live a life full of purpose.
Throughout this past year, I have also been reminded of what great people I have surrounding me. I could not have asked for better people to be part of "Team Michelle". You prayed, you emailed, you cooked, you called, you showed your support by walking or donating for the team in Race for the Cure, you picked me up when I was having a rough day, and so much more! All I can say is WOW and thank YOU! My family is so grateful for all the ways you loved us. I still have a process ahead, but knowing we are not alone is such a big part of working through all of this.
Lastly, I was reminded how fast life can change. Enjoy the time you have been given and take the time to nurture the relationships in your life. God has a funny way of throwing curve balls to help you learn to trust in Him. It's how you deal with those twists and turns of life that will write on the wall of who you are.
Happy 2012!!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
A Christmas Blessing
Well today brought good news from my surgeon. I received word that my pathology results came back from my bilateral mastectomy. They showed no cancer in my right breast and only a residual amount in my left breast. It was all as it should be and all of that chemo really did do its job. My muscle has some atrophy (weakening) but that was to be expected since the tumor was originally growing on it. The surgeon said they got ALL of the cancerous tumor removed! I can't tell you how good it feels to have NO cancerous tumor growing in my body!!!
I went to the plastic surgeon yesterday and got one more of the drains removed. My right one is still in as it is still collecting too much fluid to be able to remove it. I have another appointment Friday to hopefully have it removed. I am really hoping I can be rid of it before Christmas. I am off all pain meds as of last Saturday and according to Dr. Burgess that is almost unheard of so soon after surgery so I am thankful to have been feeling pretty decent. Don't get me wrong, it still feels "uncomfortable" but not painful.
Part of me feels bad today for getting such great news. A lady who I met at the cancer center who was going through another fight with her cancer that had spread to her bones and her brain lost her battle this afternoon. I have only talked to her a few times, but I find myself continuing to think about the loss their family has just endured. She has a daughter Courtney's age and another high school aged daughter. I just can't imagine how their family must be feeling today. I'm sure they are thankful for her not suffering any longer, but what a loss for their family. Please pray for peace and comfort for them and this is another good reason to continue to pray for a cure. I feel so thankful and fortunate to be in such good condition, but can't help thinking that could have been me if I hadn't found my tumor soon enough.
As one friend put it, I received an early Christmas blessing today. May you all feel the blessings and hope that this season offers.
I went to the plastic surgeon yesterday and got one more of the drains removed. My right one is still in as it is still collecting too much fluid to be able to remove it. I have another appointment Friday to hopefully have it removed. I am really hoping I can be rid of it before Christmas. I am off all pain meds as of last Saturday and according to Dr. Burgess that is almost unheard of so soon after surgery so I am thankful to have been feeling pretty decent. Don't get me wrong, it still feels "uncomfortable" but not painful.
Part of me feels bad today for getting such great news. A lady who I met at the cancer center who was going through another fight with her cancer that had spread to her bones and her brain lost her battle this afternoon. I have only talked to her a few times, but I find myself continuing to think about the loss their family has just endured. She has a daughter Courtney's age and another high school aged daughter. I just can't imagine how their family must be feeling today. I'm sure they are thankful for her not suffering any longer, but what a loss for their family. Please pray for peace and comfort for them and this is another good reason to continue to pray for a cure. I feel so thankful and fortunate to be in such good condition, but can't help thinking that could have been me if I hadn't found my tumor soon enough.
As one friend put it, I received an early Christmas blessing today. May you all feel the blessings and hope that this season offers.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Post surgery update
It has been 5 days since my surgery. I am still pretty sore but making progress everyday with the help of my pain meds. I was even able to take in both of the kids' school programs. I was so happy to be able to be there! One more choir concert to go later this week and Nutcracker this weekend then we are officially on winter break!!! :)
I had my follow up with Dr. Burgess this morning and my surgery went extremely well. They had to take 5% of my pectoral muscle to get the clearest margins, but they were pleased they could spare so much of the muscle. That is thanks to the chemo doing its part. I had 4 drains placed (2 on each side) during surgery to collect all of the blood and excess fluids. Those are usually in anywhere from 1-3weeks, but today she was able to remove 2 of them already! The other 2 should come out next Tuesday. Until then we need to continue to empty them twice a day and record the amount of fluid that comes out. It is quite a process, but the end is in sight! I have more use of my arms everyday which is helpful so that I can get back to doing my own personal care.
All in all, I am happy to have surgery and chemo behind me. Those feel like big steps in this journey that I can check off. They won't start adding saline to the tissue expanders for a few more weeks so that my body can heal before we do anything else.
Your emails and offers of help are so appreciated. Thank you again!
I had my follow up with Dr. Burgess this morning and my surgery went extremely well. They had to take 5% of my pectoral muscle to get the clearest margins, but they were pleased they could spare so much of the muscle. That is thanks to the chemo doing its part. I had 4 drains placed (2 on each side) during surgery to collect all of the blood and excess fluids. Those are usually in anywhere from 1-3weeks, but today she was able to remove 2 of them already! The other 2 should come out next Tuesday. Until then we need to continue to empty them twice a day and record the amount of fluid that comes out. It is quite a process, but the end is in sight! I have more use of my arms everyday which is helpful so that I can get back to doing my own personal care.
All in all, I am happy to have surgery and chemo behind me. Those feel like big steps in this journey that I can check off. They won't start adding saline to the tissue expanders for a few more weeks so that my body can heal before we do anything else.
Your emails and offers of help are so appreciated. Thank you again!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Onto the Next Chapter of My Journey...
Sorry it has been so long since my last post! I assure you this post will make up for my silence, as there is so much to cover.
In the last few weeks, I have completed my chemo treatments and have been working toward getting ready for surgery this Thursday, the 8th! I am incredibly happy to have chemo behind me. I had the usual side effects...nausea, diarrhea, headaches, nasal congestion, eyes that tear randomly, nail beds that hurt, indigestion, etc. But even though all of those things were/are not fun, I realize that I am thankful for chemo. It is a strange thing to be thankful for I know. But without it, my tumor wouldn't be shrinking. Some have not had as easy a road as mine in their fight. Some are not as fortunate and are having to fight their battle multiple times. I hope and pray for a future that includes cures for cancer without all the nasty side effects, but until then, I have to be thankful for how far we have come in the last several years for treatments. I completed my treatments with my Mom and Beth supporting me as they have every 3 weeks faithfully. Many of you sent messages, emailed, texted, etc to show your support. All of the wonderful nurses presented me with a certificate for completing my chemo and gave me hugs of support as I moved on to the next phase of treatment. In the last few weeks, I have really missed them as they had become part of my routine. I had a follow up with Dr. O'Brien yesterday and it was nice to see all of the nurses and doctor staff. And of course, even nicer that I didn't have to have chemo while I was there! :) My bloodwork all came back good for surgery. Dr. O'Brien reported I was a little anemic, but she didn't foresee that being a problem since my number was so close to the normal range. I see her again in about 6 weeks to follow up, and meet with the radiation oncologist late in January to start getting ready for the next phase after surgery. Before I get too ahead of myself though, let me focus on the last couple of weeks...
I met with my general surgeon, Dr. Richmond, on the 17th, the day before she was to go in for her shoulder surgery. We talked about what to expect, that I would have a pain pump, and 4 drains for a while, and what kinds of things to expect post surgery. She also had talked to me about insurance and that she had fought with them for a few days regarding covering surgery in a surgery center vs. a hospital. The surgery center is a relatively new concept and some insurance companies don't cover the same as in a regular hospital setting. She kept getting different answers and had to continue to push regarding our contracts, etc but ultimately she had found out that all was okay and that insurance would indeed cover everything. But she also assured me that if something happened where they were going to give us a headache, she would call our local news station and put them on the case of uncovering all that the insurance companies force patients and physicians to go through when what everyone should be concerned with is the best interest of the patient. She asked if I was okay with going public if I needed to, and I was definitely onboard!
Fast forward to the 29th, I met with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Burgess. She would be doing the tissue expander procedure following Dr. Richmond's bilateral mastectomy procedure. Her staff had received a very different answer from the insurance company that all was not resolved. The insurance company had informed them that morning, that in fact they were NOT going to cover both surgeons at the surgery center and that in order for me to be covered, I would have to have two separate surgeries on different days (one for the double mastectomy, one for the tissue expanders to get ready for future reconstruction). Needless to say, on top of all the other things we have endured over this last few months, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I just started crying and couldn't believe we had come this far and the insurance company was actually asking me to have TWO surgeries...it defied all logic to me. The only other option was to find a new general surgeon that could do the surgery in a hospital setting vs a surgery center. Nevermind that the hospital is 3 times more expensive, and them asking for two surgeries was more expensive than they would have paid for our original plan! So while neither option was ideal, after we processed everything that morning, I decided the best option was to find a new surgeon rather than enduring two surgeries. Dr. Burgess talked with Dr. Richmond, who was recovering from her own surgery still, and they decided that was best for me as well. They had a doctor they wanted me to meet with the next day that they both highly recommended and had worked with before. My head was spinning by this point, and we felt like the rug had been ripped up from under us, but there was no choice but to proceed one step at a time and get this resolved. We had only a week and a half before surgery, the tumor needed to come out, and now needed to meet a new surgeon! To add to the burden, the new surgeon that came so highly recommended was based at St. Vincent Hospital, the very place we had lost my dad less than 6 months ago. I couldn't bear the thought of my mom sitting in an all too familiar waiting room, at an all too familiar hospital, for 4 hours while I had surgery. I explained to Dr. Burgess' office how important it was that we see if there was any way to have the surgery done at Meridian Park (where Dr. Burgess usually performs her surgeries). Doctors have privileges at certain hospitals and it takes a lot of work and red tape for them to have privileges outside their normal hospital. So, all that could be done was wait and see (again). The following morning we met my newly referred general surgeon, Dr. De La Melana, at an office next door to St. Vincent. We immediately felt a connection to her, and she sympathized with our situation and totally understood why we wanted her to perform her portion of the surgery at Meridian Park vs. St. Vincent. She had already set that plan into motion early that morning and was waiting to hear that all of the paperwork was in order so that we could have confirmation that all was resolved. She was so friendly and went above and beyond to make sure she got up-to-date on my case on such short notice. She promised to call as soon as she heard back re. what hospital she could do the procedure in. A few hours later, we got the call that all had been worked out and my surgery date could stay the same and it would be at Meridian! What wonderful news! Aside from waiting for the diagnosis of my cancer, the waiting for all to be confirmed had to be one of the most emotional and stressed out times we had during this last few months. That 24 hours seemed like days!
As I approach my surgery in just a couple of days, I am filled with anticipation, anxiety, hopefullness, and so many ranges of emotion. My recent ultrasound showed that my tumor had shrunk and was now off the chest muscle. While there is still a live part in the tumor, a big portion of it is neucrotic (dead), so the chemo did what it was supposed to do. I still feel that as long as there is a live part to the tumor that I can envision the cancer multiplying now that chemo is complete. Likely, that is not the case, it is more of my mind working overtime at just wanting that tumor gone and out of there. The surgeons agree that the sooner it is out the better as well, and with their help and compassion with helping resolve our insurance issue, that will happen early Thursday morning. The last week has been filled with pre-Christmas preparations, getting my work finalized for the upcoming January term, and getting my mind and body prepared for what is to come. At moments I have a "go get 'em" approach. At others, I think too much about surgery and start crying. I will admit it...I am scared. But just as quickly, that moment passes and then I feel so freed in knowing that my cancerous tumor will be removed!
I will be staying the night in the hospital and coming home Friday. Please pray for me, the surgeons, and especially my family over the course of these next several days. The family has endured so much this year already that it is time for them to feel a sense of peace and comfort in knowing all will be okay. We still have a road to travel in this cancer journey, but having all of this part behind us should feel so freeing. Thank you to so many of you who continue to send cards, emails, posts on facebook, etc. I go into this procedure feeling loved and cared for, and so blessed by each and every one of you who offer words of encouragement as well as help however it is needed during these next few weeks of recovery. Once again I say that God has given me the best team of supporters a person could be rewarded with!
In the last few weeks, I have completed my chemo treatments and have been working toward getting ready for surgery this Thursday, the 8th! I am incredibly happy to have chemo behind me. I had the usual side effects...nausea, diarrhea, headaches, nasal congestion, eyes that tear randomly, nail beds that hurt, indigestion, etc. But even though all of those things were/are not fun, I realize that I am thankful for chemo. It is a strange thing to be thankful for I know. But without it, my tumor wouldn't be shrinking. Some have not had as easy a road as mine in their fight. Some are not as fortunate and are having to fight their battle multiple times. I hope and pray for a future that includes cures for cancer without all the nasty side effects, but until then, I have to be thankful for how far we have come in the last several years for treatments. I completed my treatments with my Mom and Beth supporting me as they have every 3 weeks faithfully. Many of you sent messages, emailed, texted, etc to show your support. All of the wonderful nurses presented me with a certificate for completing my chemo and gave me hugs of support as I moved on to the next phase of treatment. In the last few weeks, I have really missed them as they had become part of my routine. I had a follow up with Dr. O'Brien yesterday and it was nice to see all of the nurses and doctor staff. And of course, even nicer that I didn't have to have chemo while I was there! :) My bloodwork all came back good for surgery. Dr. O'Brien reported I was a little anemic, but she didn't foresee that being a problem since my number was so close to the normal range. I see her again in about 6 weeks to follow up, and meet with the radiation oncologist late in January to start getting ready for the next phase after surgery. Before I get too ahead of myself though, let me focus on the last couple of weeks...
I met with my general surgeon, Dr. Richmond, on the 17th, the day before she was to go in for her shoulder surgery. We talked about what to expect, that I would have a pain pump, and 4 drains for a while, and what kinds of things to expect post surgery. She also had talked to me about insurance and that she had fought with them for a few days regarding covering surgery in a surgery center vs. a hospital. The surgery center is a relatively new concept and some insurance companies don't cover the same as in a regular hospital setting. She kept getting different answers and had to continue to push regarding our contracts, etc but ultimately she had found out that all was okay and that insurance would indeed cover everything. But she also assured me that if something happened where they were going to give us a headache, she would call our local news station and put them on the case of uncovering all that the insurance companies force patients and physicians to go through when what everyone should be concerned with is the best interest of the patient. She asked if I was okay with going public if I needed to, and I was definitely onboard!
Fast forward to the 29th, I met with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Burgess. She would be doing the tissue expander procedure following Dr. Richmond's bilateral mastectomy procedure. Her staff had received a very different answer from the insurance company that all was not resolved. The insurance company had informed them that morning, that in fact they were NOT going to cover both surgeons at the surgery center and that in order for me to be covered, I would have to have two separate surgeries on different days (one for the double mastectomy, one for the tissue expanders to get ready for future reconstruction). Needless to say, on top of all the other things we have endured over this last few months, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I just started crying and couldn't believe we had come this far and the insurance company was actually asking me to have TWO surgeries...it defied all logic to me. The only other option was to find a new general surgeon that could do the surgery in a hospital setting vs a surgery center. Nevermind that the hospital is 3 times more expensive, and them asking for two surgeries was more expensive than they would have paid for our original plan! So while neither option was ideal, after we processed everything that morning, I decided the best option was to find a new surgeon rather than enduring two surgeries. Dr. Burgess talked with Dr. Richmond, who was recovering from her own surgery still, and they decided that was best for me as well. They had a doctor they wanted me to meet with the next day that they both highly recommended and had worked with before. My head was spinning by this point, and we felt like the rug had been ripped up from under us, but there was no choice but to proceed one step at a time and get this resolved. We had only a week and a half before surgery, the tumor needed to come out, and now needed to meet a new surgeon! To add to the burden, the new surgeon that came so highly recommended was based at St. Vincent Hospital, the very place we had lost my dad less than 6 months ago. I couldn't bear the thought of my mom sitting in an all too familiar waiting room, at an all too familiar hospital, for 4 hours while I had surgery. I explained to Dr. Burgess' office how important it was that we see if there was any way to have the surgery done at Meridian Park (where Dr. Burgess usually performs her surgeries). Doctors have privileges at certain hospitals and it takes a lot of work and red tape for them to have privileges outside their normal hospital. So, all that could be done was wait and see (again). The following morning we met my newly referred general surgeon, Dr. De La Melana, at an office next door to St. Vincent. We immediately felt a connection to her, and she sympathized with our situation and totally understood why we wanted her to perform her portion of the surgery at Meridian Park vs. St. Vincent. She had already set that plan into motion early that morning and was waiting to hear that all of the paperwork was in order so that we could have confirmation that all was resolved. She was so friendly and went above and beyond to make sure she got up-to-date on my case on such short notice. She promised to call as soon as she heard back re. what hospital she could do the procedure in. A few hours later, we got the call that all had been worked out and my surgery date could stay the same and it would be at Meridian! What wonderful news! Aside from waiting for the diagnosis of my cancer, the waiting for all to be confirmed had to be one of the most emotional and stressed out times we had during this last few months. That 24 hours seemed like days!
As I approach my surgery in just a couple of days, I am filled with anticipation, anxiety, hopefullness, and so many ranges of emotion. My recent ultrasound showed that my tumor had shrunk and was now off the chest muscle. While there is still a live part in the tumor, a big portion of it is neucrotic (dead), so the chemo did what it was supposed to do. I still feel that as long as there is a live part to the tumor that I can envision the cancer multiplying now that chemo is complete. Likely, that is not the case, it is more of my mind working overtime at just wanting that tumor gone and out of there. The surgeons agree that the sooner it is out the better as well, and with their help and compassion with helping resolve our insurance issue, that will happen early Thursday morning. The last week has been filled with pre-Christmas preparations, getting my work finalized for the upcoming January term, and getting my mind and body prepared for what is to come. At moments I have a "go get 'em" approach. At others, I think too much about surgery and start crying. I will admit it...I am scared. But just as quickly, that moment passes and then I feel so freed in knowing that my cancerous tumor will be removed!
I will be staying the night in the hospital and coming home Friday. Please pray for me, the surgeons, and especially my family over the course of these next several days. The family has endured so much this year already that it is time for them to feel a sense of peace and comfort in knowing all will be okay. We still have a road to travel in this cancer journey, but having all of this part behind us should feel so freeing. Thank you to so many of you who continue to send cards, emails, posts on facebook, etc. I go into this procedure feeling loved and cared for, and so blessed by each and every one of you who offer words of encouragement as well as help however it is needed during these next few weeks of recovery. Once again I say that God has given me the best team of supporters a person could be rewarded with!
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