I got the call today from Dr. O'Brien, and because my tumor has shrunk 25% instead of 50%, she has recommended I add the 3rd drug Adriamycin to my treatment plan. She is also wanting to add 2 more treatments to ensure the best chance at getting clear margins when surgery time comes.
Needless to say, I was NOT happy at all about this even though I have spent the last few days getting myself ready for this news. I spent a good 45 minutes crying and getting my mad out. I know this is what is best overall, but I am really frustrated to have MY timeline messed up. MY plan was to have this thing done with, surgery & radiation over and moving on with life as much as possible by the end of 2011. God has other plans...and I know in time He will reveal them, but for now, I am mad! I have stayed pretty positive during this whole process but I am going to allow myself this day to be emotional. Now, surgery will likely be somewhere around Thanksgiving and that is about 6 weeks later than I wanted it to be! I was mad at myself for crying on the phone when she told me the plan, but as she so quickly reminded me in her self-assured and confident yet caring tone, we do have good news here...the tumor has shrunk, it's doing what we want...we just have to help it along a little more.
So, after my afternoon cry, I am better. I realize, once again, that I am not in control and that this is not the worst thing in the world. Life will go on, differently than I planned, but certainly not a show stopper. I will get through the next 4 treatments just like I have the last 2. And I have the greatest support team ever, so how can I go wrong? Now that I have gotten over my mini tantrum, that is what I am telling myself.
Now for the fun news...the Cancer Center called this week and they are doing a Pink Glove Dance video there tomorrow morning. They have asked me to be part of it, and I am very excited! Although I can't dance, it will be a great experience doing something fun to bring awareness to breast cancer research.
Keep your cards, emails, and prayers coming!
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteYou're right - you just have to readjust YOUR timeline. You have such an amazing and resilient outlook. Keep on keeping on! Hope today was uplifting for you.
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteYes, the war is on but YOU are the winning side, and we are all with you as you fight this battle. We are praying for you and are here for you for anything you might need or be done.
Love and Hugs!
You don't know us but we know your mom. We have you in our prayers. I am the only person on either side of my family that hasn't at one time or another been sick with cancer in one form or another. I get all my tests :-) and try to take care of my health. Not as a pat on the back for ourselves but just to let you know, we are donating the cost for a mammogram that someone can't pay for. And we are doing this with you in our thoughts. Ron & Maeona Urban
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle, hope you are feeling better. I believe I saw something online about the videos.....that eventually they will be online for people to vote on? If that is correct, be sure to post a link. Take care!! Jeff, Trinda, Maddie and Aunt Stephanie.
ReplyDelete