Let's Label Chemo #3 As Not the Greatest...

So, last Monday I had chemo # 3. The week started off pretty decent, but by Wednesday I had more nausea than in the past along with some feelings of indigestion. My stomach cooperated Thursday & Friday, and by Saturday I felt fairly okay. My overall feeling was that I just didn't feel great...it was more of a push to have myself feel and function as normal as possible. Court & Tom spent the week sick, and with still getting all of us into the busy routine of school and activities while dealing with a new chemo cocktail, it felt a bit overwhelming at times but we all came through it okay. I did remind myself on a daily basis that I "only" have 3 more times of this, so I CAN DO THIS! I talked to myself a few times like a stern parent talking to a naughty child, and most of the time it worked. I'd be lying if I said that moments of "poor me" or "this sucks" didn't try to take over. But all in all looking back, I will just say it wasn't the worst thing, but definitely not the greatest either.

Tuesday I had a MUGA test to get a baseline for my heart since the new chemo drug has some chance of heart issue down the line. As my oncologist put it, there is a greater value in us doing the new treatment vs the risk that is there, but we are going to take precautions along the way. My friend Milton did the procedure, so I was in good hands. It's a good thing I like Milton though, because he had to poke me a few times to find a good vein to do his radioactive magic in. Normal is between 55-75, and I was 68, so very good results there.

I will do a separate post on Race for the Cure, as that was truly a wonderful experience and deserves its own place in my blog with pictures. I will say that thankfully I felt good Sunday morning and able to join my team of 18 in a 1K walk around the waterfront. After stopping for a bite to eat with some of our team, I was pretty tired Sunday afternoon. I also had felt like I had something hurting or very uncomfortable going on in my digestive track. By 2pm, everytime I swallowed, breathed too deep or ate or drank anything I had that feeling like something was going down the wrong pipe. I slept for a good part of the afternoon and by evening, Tom and my Mom had convinced me that I needed to call the Nurse Practitioner to see if they could give me some relief. I really hate calling, even though they say it is okay to as I always feel sort of guilty taking up someone's time for something that is uncomfortable vs. dealing with a life threatening issue. I have to admit though, I am glad I called and she explained to me that likely my indigestion from earlier in the week had caught up with my Adriamycin side effects and caused some sores similar to canker sores along my digestive track. She said they likely felt much bigger than they were, but would cause discomfort like I was having. She recommended Maalox to help coat them and if that didn't work I could take pain meds. Since meds are a last resort for me, I opted to go for Maalox, and it helped within 45 minutes! I was still pretty tired and feeling not so great, but getting that on the road to feeling better was such a relief. By Monday morning, I felt a million times better!

Monday had a tiring schedule of its own, as I had a follow up with the oncologist as well as my surgeon in West Linn. Both appointments went well. My blood counts were down, so was reminded I needed to wash often and monitor my temperature this week. My surgeon's news was that the PET scan report she received a copy of, showed the tumor "abutted" the pectoral muscle. She said that is significant as that means it has not invaded the muscle, so likely they won't have to do much with that muscle during surgery time. She also said that assuming all stays on schedule, my last chemo won't be until November 14, so likely surgery won't come until between the 7-14th of December. UGH! Later than I hoped for, but hopefully it will be carefully orchestrated so I won't miss the kids' winter concerts at school and helping Court get ready for Winter Formal, and her performance in the Nutcracker. Not to mention bumping so close to Christmas and all of its preparations. So, pray that we don't get any delays due to white blood cell counts or illness, but sneak in a prayer that a miracle will happen and everything will get moved up a couple weeks! :)

Updated Chemo Plan

I got the call today from Dr. O'Brien, and because my tumor has shrunk 25% instead of 50%, she has recommended I add the 3rd drug Adriamycin to my treatment plan. She is also wanting to add 2 more treatments to ensure the best chance at getting clear margins when surgery time comes.

Needless to say, I was NOT happy at all about this even though I have spent the last few days getting myself ready for this news. I spent a good 45 minutes crying and getting my mad out. I know this is what is best overall, but I am really frustrated to have MY timeline messed up. MY plan was to have this thing done with, surgery & radiation over and moving on with life as much as possible by the end of 2011. God has other plans...and I know in time He will reveal them, but for now, I am mad! I have stayed pretty positive during this whole process but I am going to allow myself this day to be emotional. Now, surgery will likely be somewhere around Thanksgiving and that is about 6 weeks later than I wanted it to be! I was mad at myself for crying on the phone when she told me the plan, but as she so quickly reminded me in her self-assured and confident yet caring tone, we do have good news here...the tumor has shrunk, it's doing what we want...we just have to help it along a little more.

So, after my afternoon cry, I am better. I realize, once again, that I am not in control and that this is not the worst thing in the world. Life will go on, differently than I planned, but certainly not a show stopper. I will get through the next 4 treatments just like I have the last 2. And I have the greatest support team ever, so how can I go wrong? Now that I have gotten over my mini tantrum, that is what I am telling myself.

Now for the fun news...the Cancer Center called this week and they are doing a Pink Glove Dance video there tomorrow morning. They have asked me to be part of it, and I am very excited! Although I can't dance, it will be a great experience doing something fun to bring awareness to breast cancer research.

Keep your cards, emails, and prayers coming!

Tumor Ultrasound

I dropped the kiddos off at school this morning...WOW! I have a high schooler and a 3rd grader now...I can't believe it! Where has the time gone?

While they were back to the school routine, I went and had my ultrasound. My friend & technician, Jerri, was there again to take good care of me and give me the lowdown on how my tumor was looking these days. I am happy to say it is shrinking! Here is a picture of what the tumor looks like for those that are curious:





















Despite the fact that it looks HUGE in this picture where they zoom in close, it is about 3.4 cm by 2.6 cm. It is hard to imagine something so small causing such a disruption to life! While I am happy it shrunk, please pray that it shrunk enough that we can stay with my current treatment plan. Dr. O'Brien said a couple of weeks back that she was hoping to see it close to halfway shrunk and it is maybe only about a quarter of the way. My next chemo is scheduled for Monday, so I am hoping to hear what our plan of attack will be later this week. There is a possibility we will have to bring out some bigger guns for this tumor. Obviously, my priority is to get the cancer gone and never come back, so whatever is my best course for that to happen is what I want. BUT, I really, really didn't want to have to extend my chemo treatments or make them more aggressive unless we had to. It extends my timeframe of being done with all of this stuff, not to mention the fact that the 3rd drug they would add has increased side effects and is harder on the body. Please continue to pray that the answers are clear for how to proceed and that I continue to feel as good as I have.

Thanks again for your continued support and love!