It has been almost 3 weeks since my surgery, and everything is healing up very well. It feels really good to have the surgeries behind me! I will likely have only one more procedure, perhaps in early summer, to have nipples grafted since that is a separate process. The new implants have to have time to "settle" into place, and since each of them can settle differently, they do the nipple process after the fact. This is a very quick and simple procedure I am told, but the end is in sight! :)
In the meantime, I am gradually getting back into a new normal. I still cannot lift or do anything strenuous for about another 4 weeks or so, but otherwise am doing well. My hair is really growing fast, and all of my nails are returning to their pre-chemo state. Such simple things, but it's a nice visible bit of progress. I still tire easily, but I imagine that is to be expected after all my body has been through in the last several months. My next follow ups are the first week of May, and in a few short weeks I will turn 41. What a journey this last year has been spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Time for Another Surgery
I have been getting emails, texts and calls today from people checking in to see how I am doing and wanting to know an update on the next step. I will admit, after I got my last tissue expansion a couple of weeks ago, I have sort of put the upcoming surgery out of my mind and focused on "regular" life. I realized that I forgot to update everyone on exactly when my reconstructive surgery is. I will be going in tomorrow morning for the outpatient procedure, and I can't tell you how good it will feel to have another step checked off this journey.
I didn't have too much anxiety about tomorrow's surgery until today when I started to think about all of the logistics. I know all will be fine, just the whole surgery experience leaves me anxious. I appreciate every one of you reaching out to me today with your prayers and well wishes at just the right time, when I needed it most. It is expected that I will recover as well or better than the last surgery.
I will try to provide an update as soon as I am able to.
I didn't have too much anxiety about tomorrow's surgery until today when I started to think about all of the logistics. I know all will be fine, just the whole surgery experience leaves me anxious. I appreciate every one of you reaching out to me today with your prayers and well wishes at just the right time, when I needed it most. It is expected that I will recover as well or better than the last surgery.
I will try to provide an update as soon as I am able to.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Our Chosen Path - To Radiate or Not to Radiate
Yesterday I met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Kang, along with my regular oncologist Dr. O'Brien. As promised, Dr. Kang contacted other colleagues and professionals in his field getting their input on if I was indeed a good candidate for radiation therapy. We had a good talk yesterday about how confident I felt about the cancer being fully removed during surgery due to the chemotherapy giving an opportunity for such clear margins, as well as the pros and cons of using radiation as a therapy for me. Leading up to most appointments, I have always had a clear vision of what I am hoping for or what direction I would like things to go. This was honestly the first time I can remember that I didn't really know what to hope for. Given the conversation from last week, it was clear to me that either path -to radiate or not to radiate- had its own set of risks. Either direction required a leap of faith on my part. While I am a devote Christian, I must admit that doing those leaps of faith is a struggle for me. I am a bit of a control freak , and like to plan to the best of my ability the best path for the future I want. I know that God will always prevail, but there is just something about me that requires an active role in the decision process. In this scenario however, there was no clear "winner" in my mind of how this should play out.
Dr. Kang said that his colleagues, as well as himself, could make a case for going either direction. It was really a 50/50 decision. While a good part of me knows that statistics are just that...only statistics and not a guarantee, it was mind-boggling to feel like I was playing a bit of a "roll of the dice game" with my life. One side *could* bring a higher risk of cancer recurrence, the other side *could* bring on a risk of cancer just by trying to prevent recurrence. This may seem extreme, but whenever he was presenting facts about what statisically can happen in 20 years with either scenario, part of my brain was occupied with flash forwards of all the life I wanted to live. I have a husband I want to grow old with, kids I want to watch take the next important steps in life, and I want to be healthy enough to play with my grandkids in 20 years. How could I know which path I should choose when there was no crystal ball to look in to learn the outcome? He asked how I felt about the facts that were presented, and I really didn't know what direction to go. I decided to turn it back to him and said, "If this was one of your loved ones you were treating, how would you proceed?" He said that given the risks of radiation effects and my age, and based on how confident they were with the margins they got during surgery, he would opt for no radiation. I looked at Dr. O'Brien, who has been just the right amount of cautious and aggressive along the way during my treatments, and she concurred. They both agreed that I would be closely monitored with MRIs and check ups, as well as starting with 5 year hormone treatment, Tamoxifen, to block the estrogen that fed my cancer. And with that, the decision had been made.
There are very real benefits to this option. I get to be done with treatments a lot sooner than expected. After just a couple more tissue expansions, I can go in for reconstructive surgery and be on my way to the "new normal". I am excited about that, but just needed some time to wrap my mind around the change in the path I had been planning to take since diagnosis. I feel good about it as of today. I would be lying if I said there wasn't a little voice of anxiety in there wondering if this was the "right" choice. But honestly, that would be there regardless of which way we decided to proceed. It's the voice of the unknown. But for now, I have taken the leap of faith and it's in God's hands. Knowing He holds the key to the future is a good place to be.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving present your requests to God." Phillipians 4:6
Dr. Kang said that his colleagues, as well as himself, could make a case for going either direction. It was really a 50/50 decision. While a good part of me knows that statistics are just that...only statistics and not a guarantee, it was mind-boggling to feel like I was playing a bit of a "roll of the dice game" with my life. One side *could* bring a higher risk of cancer recurrence, the other side *could* bring on a risk of cancer just by trying to prevent recurrence. This may seem extreme, but whenever he was presenting facts about what statisically can happen in 20 years with either scenario, part of my brain was occupied with flash forwards of all the life I wanted to live. I have a husband I want to grow old with, kids I want to watch take the next important steps in life, and I want to be healthy enough to play with my grandkids in 20 years. How could I know which path I should choose when there was no crystal ball to look in to learn the outcome? He asked how I felt about the facts that were presented, and I really didn't know what direction to go. I decided to turn it back to him and said, "If this was one of your loved ones you were treating, how would you proceed?" He said that given the risks of radiation effects and my age, and based on how confident they were with the margins they got during surgery, he would opt for no radiation. I looked at Dr. O'Brien, who has been just the right amount of cautious and aggressive along the way during my treatments, and she concurred. They both agreed that I would be closely monitored with MRIs and check ups, as well as starting with 5 year hormone treatment, Tamoxifen, to block the estrogen that fed my cancer. And with that, the decision had been made.
There are very real benefits to this option. I get to be done with treatments a lot sooner than expected. After just a couple more tissue expansions, I can go in for reconstructive surgery and be on my way to the "new normal". I am excited about that, but just needed some time to wrap my mind around the change in the path I had been planning to take since diagnosis. I feel good about it as of today. I would be lying if I said there wasn't a little voice of anxiety in there wondering if this was the "right" choice. But honestly, that would be there regardless of which way we decided to proceed. It's the voice of the unknown. But for now, I have taken the leap of faith and it's in God's hands. Knowing He holds the key to the future is a good place to be.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving present your requests to God." Phillipians 4:6
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Gray is not a color I want to be...
I am approaching the end of my tissue expansion process in the next week or two. Last week's expansion brought the first bout of pain that I had to endure since the process started. I found I had to carefully manuever my left arm so that I guarded my muscle as much as possible. When I moved just the right way it would send a sharp pain from my breast all the way around to my back area. I took ibuprofen for a couple of days, and by early Friday I was doing much better. Dr. Burgess said this is to be expected as when the expanders get fuller and fuller, they will obviously put more pressure on my pectoral muscle, which is already in a weakened state from the tumor being there. She only had to put 50cc's in each breast this week vs. the 100 we had been doing, since I am getting close to the end of the weekly "fill ups".
The original plan was be done with that part, and then move directly into radiation. However, we met with my radiation oncologist yesterday (Dr. Kang) and he is not certain he wants to proceed with radiation. It turns out that I am in sort of gray area. Usually radiation is required when the tumor is over 5cm, mine was 4. And then the additional factor is if it went into the lymph nodes, which mine did not. Radiation carries certain risks with it, and can cause cancer on its own. Statitics show that usually by 20 years post-radiation that cancer is a real risk. In patients that are 60 or 70, this isn't as much of a factor in deciding whether they should proceed with radiation given that supposedly at that age, a person would usually live to their life expectancy by the time radiation risks would kick in anyway. However, since I am only 40, the radiation risks are, as he puts it, "very real". So, he said he is left in sort of a gray area of what to do with me. Since my cancer was in the muscle, the preference would be to radiate to really make ultra sure not even a single cancer cell remains. Being in the muscle, it is much harder for them to do tests to rule out any suspicious cells. If radiation carried no risks of its own, then he said there would be no reason not to "throw the kitchen sink" at me and give me every treatment possible. At this point it is 50/50 on the benefits outweighing the risks, so he wants to talk to some of his colleagues from various facilities and universities to get their take on how they would proceed with a case like mine. His words to us were, "They will have to convince me that radiating is the way to go for you." So...he is going to work on contacting them and will get back to me early next week about how they have decided to proceed. I am not sure how to feel about this, as I am usually one of those that embraces doing whatever it takes to make sure the cancer doesn't return. But, on the flip side knowing what all the possible risks are, there is no way to say that 20 years down the line I won't really regret pushing for radiation. This is where I need to trust that God will give them the guidance and insight they need to make the best decision they can and I will put my trust in that.
While there yesterday, the sweet nurse, Ko is her name, gave us a packet of info regarding what to expect during the radiation process. She was concerned about overloading me with too much information, but I am definitely a person who feels like "knowledge is power" so bring on the informational websites, brochures, testimonials, etc. One website she shared with me was called "An Introduction to External Beam Radiation Therapy". Because I am often asked what various procedures are like by supportive friends and family, and because so many newly diagnosed are referring to my blog, I have included a link to the video site. It is a wonderful video that answers so many basic questions about radiation, and gives a glimpse of what to expect.
http://www.rtanswers.org/treatmentinformation/whattoexpect/index.aspx
Thank you for your continued prayers and please continue to pray that the doctors will find clarity in the best way to handle my treatment.
The original plan was be done with that part, and then move directly into radiation. However, we met with my radiation oncologist yesterday (Dr. Kang) and he is not certain he wants to proceed with radiation. It turns out that I am in sort of gray area. Usually radiation is required when the tumor is over 5cm, mine was 4. And then the additional factor is if it went into the lymph nodes, which mine did not. Radiation carries certain risks with it, and can cause cancer on its own. Statitics show that usually by 20 years post-radiation that cancer is a real risk. In patients that are 60 or 70, this isn't as much of a factor in deciding whether they should proceed with radiation given that supposedly at that age, a person would usually live to their life expectancy by the time radiation risks would kick in anyway. However, since I am only 40, the radiation risks are, as he puts it, "very real". So, he said he is left in sort of a gray area of what to do with me. Since my cancer was in the muscle, the preference would be to radiate to really make ultra sure not even a single cancer cell remains. Being in the muscle, it is much harder for them to do tests to rule out any suspicious cells. If radiation carried no risks of its own, then he said there would be no reason not to "throw the kitchen sink" at me and give me every treatment possible. At this point it is 50/50 on the benefits outweighing the risks, so he wants to talk to some of his colleagues from various facilities and universities to get their take on how they would proceed with a case like mine. His words to us were, "They will have to convince me that radiating is the way to go for you." So...he is going to work on contacting them and will get back to me early next week about how they have decided to proceed. I am not sure how to feel about this, as I am usually one of those that embraces doing whatever it takes to make sure the cancer doesn't return. But, on the flip side knowing what all the possible risks are, there is no way to say that 20 years down the line I won't really regret pushing for radiation. This is where I need to trust that God will give them the guidance and insight they need to make the best decision they can and I will put my trust in that.
While there yesterday, the sweet nurse, Ko is her name, gave us a packet of info regarding what to expect during the radiation process. She was concerned about overloading me with too much information, but I am definitely a person who feels like "knowledge is power" so bring on the informational websites, brochures, testimonials, etc. One website she shared with me was called "An Introduction to External Beam Radiation Therapy". Because I am often asked what various procedures are like by supportive friends and family, and because so many newly diagnosed are referring to my blog, I have included a link to the video site. It is a wonderful video that answers so many basic questions about radiation, and gives a glimpse of what to expect.
http://www.rtanswers.org/treatmentinformation/whattoexpect/index.aspx
Thank you for your continued prayers and please continue to pray that the doctors will find clarity in the best way to handle my treatment.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
6 weeks post surgery updates
The last couple of weeks it has been really nice to not be juggling so many doctor appointments. It has been 6 weeks ago today that they removed the cancer. I feel great, and each day brings me closer to the finish line! Many have asked me if it feels "weird" to have no breasts, but to be honest, I haven't missed them a bit! Those that know me well know it was no secret that I considered not being large chested anymore a benefit. After enduring all of other "fun stuff" that treating breast cancer brings, this was definitely a positive thing. The expanders definitely feel different, and ultimately when the implants are in they will feel different as well. This has not been a painful part of the procedure, so I am grateful for that and the opportunity to get a "fresh" look. :)
Since the first of the year, I have been going in once a week to see Dr. Burgess so she can "pump up" my tissue expanders. The first week, she only added 50cc to each breast, but since that didn't bring about any discomfort, she has started putting in 100cc to each during every visit in an effort to sort of speed up this part of the process as much as possible to get prepared for radiation. The process is only what I would consider mildly uncomfortable for a couple of days. I am in no pain, and I am happy to just be living life as normal as possible. She had a roundtable with many professionals at Meridian Park a few days ago about my case (as well as a few other patients.) The specialists there all were in agreement in recommending radiation for me due to my age and based on the size of the original tumor. That pretty much echoed what the doctors discussed at a roundtable a few months back here in McMinnville, so it is nice to have everyone on the same page. She said it was surprising how many patients that had their cases presented by doctors that day had a tumor as large as mine. She said however that I was the only one with a tumor that size that had not had my cancer spread to the lymph nodes. Praise God!
I also had my 6 week follow up with Dr. O'Brien yesterday. She was happy to see me feeling so good, and everything is on course for a full recovery. I have lost close to 20 pounds overall, which is exciting! (and for those that haven't read earlier posts, my double mastectomy only accounted for about 7-8 pounds of that loss.) She also talked about that I would be starting my Tamoxifen hormone therapy treatment soon. That will be for 5 years. Basically this small daily pill acts as a blocker to the estrogen receptors, which in my case was the primary feeding source for my tumor. My tumor was 98% estrogen based. The main side effects of this drug could be hot flashes and possible irregular periods (since I don't know if I have officially gone into menopause yet or am just in "chemopause"). I have also read of patients who have continued thinning or loss of hair, so will just have to see what is in store for me. We will come up with a plan of exactly when I will start that at my next appointment with her in February. I will be meeting with the radiation oncologist next week to come up with a game plan for that portion of treatment.
While I was in the office, I stopped in to see some of the oncology nurses that did my chemo treatments. It was great to see them and they were happy to see my progress since the last time I saw them right before surgery. Those women will always be very special people in my life!
Thanks for taking the time to stay updated. As always, your support is appreciated!
Since the first of the year, I have been going in once a week to see Dr. Burgess so she can "pump up" my tissue expanders. The first week, she only added 50cc to each breast, but since that didn't bring about any discomfort, she has started putting in 100cc to each during every visit in an effort to sort of speed up this part of the process as much as possible to get prepared for radiation. The process is only what I would consider mildly uncomfortable for a couple of days. I am in no pain, and I am happy to just be living life as normal as possible. She had a roundtable with many professionals at Meridian Park a few days ago about my case (as well as a few other patients.) The specialists there all were in agreement in recommending radiation for me due to my age and based on the size of the original tumor. That pretty much echoed what the doctors discussed at a roundtable a few months back here in McMinnville, so it is nice to have everyone on the same page. She said it was surprising how many patients that had their cases presented by doctors that day had a tumor as large as mine. She said however that I was the only one with a tumor that size that had not had my cancer spread to the lymph nodes. Praise God!
I also had my 6 week follow up with Dr. O'Brien yesterday. She was happy to see me feeling so good, and everything is on course for a full recovery. I have lost close to 20 pounds overall, which is exciting! (and for those that haven't read earlier posts, my double mastectomy only accounted for about 7-8 pounds of that loss.) She also talked about that I would be starting my Tamoxifen hormone therapy treatment soon. That will be for 5 years. Basically this small daily pill acts as a blocker to the estrogen receptors, which in my case was the primary feeding source for my tumor. My tumor was 98% estrogen based. The main side effects of this drug could be hot flashes and possible irregular periods (since I don't know if I have officially gone into menopause yet or am just in "chemopause"). I have also read of patients who have continued thinning or loss of hair, so will just have to see what is in store for me. We will come up with a plan of exactly when I will start that at my next appointment with her in February. I will be meeting with the radiation oncologist next week to come up with a game plan for that portion of treatment.
While I was in the office, I stopped in to see some of the oncology nurses that did my chemo treatments. It was great to see them and they were happy to see my progress since the last time I saw them right before surgery. Those women will always be very special people in my life!
Thanks for taking the time to stay updated. As always, your support is appreciated!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Happy New Year!!
Hopefully everyone had a good Christmas. We celebrated with family and friends, as it should be. It was emotionally tough during some parts as we tried to weave old traditions with new ones without my Dad, but all in all it was a good Christmas. As we get ready to celebrate the new year, I reflect on 2011 and can honestly say that I have never looked more forward to heading into another year...one with fresh starts and GOOD HEALTH!
There were a few things, silver linings in the dark clouds, that I will carry with me as positives into the new year. Despite the circumstances, it was wonderful to see how many people my Dad had a positive effect on. I have always known what a great man he was. He was always there for us growing up, a terrific Grandpa to our kids, as well as a Grandpa figure to many of Courtney's friends. But to have others further removed from our family circle who only knew a small part of him share how he touched their life is really something to celebrate. I have heard him referred to as a great role model, a great boss, a wonderful Christian, someone who is there to lend a helping hand, and so much more. As I said, I knew all of those things about him, but when you hear how he helped someone's life years ago during such a brief encounter or taught young men how to be a good family man by example, I can only hope that my life will continue to be a good reflection of God's love and how to live a life full of purpose.
Throughout this past year, I have also been reminded of what great people I have surrounding me. I could not have asked for better people to be part of "Team Michelle". You prayed, you emailed, you cooked, you called, you showed your support by walking or donating for the team in Race for the Cure, you picked me up when I was having a rough day, and so much more! All I can say is WOW and thank YOU! My family is so grateful for all the ways you loved us. I still have a process ahead, but knowing we are not alone is such a big part of working through all of this.
Lastly, I was reminded how fast life can change. Enjoy the time you have been given and take the time to nurture the relationships in your life. God has a funny way of throwing curve balls to help you learn to trust in Him. It's how you deal with those twists and turns of life that will write on the wall of who you are.
Happy 2012!!
There were a few things, silver linings in the dark clouds, that I will carry with me as positives into the new year. Despite the circumstances, it was wonderful to see how many people my Dad had a positive effect on. I have always known what a great man he was. He was always there for us growing up, a terrific Grandpa to our kids, as well as a Grandpa figure to many of Courtney's friends. But to have others further removed from our family circle who only knew a small part of him share how he touched their life is really something to celebrate. I have heard him referred to as a great role model, a great boss, a wonderful Christian, someone who is there to lend a helping hand, and so much more. As I said, I knew all of those things about him, but when you hear how he helped someone's life years ago during such a brief encounter or taught young men how to be a good family man by example, I can only hope that my life will continue to be a good reflection of God's love and how to live a life full of purpose.
Throughout this past year, I have also been reminded of what great people I have surrounding me. I could not have asked for better people to be part of "Team Michelle". You prayed, you emailed, you cooked, you called, you showed your support by walking or donating for the team in Race for the Cure, you picked me up when I was having a rough day, and so much more! All I can say is WOW and thank YOU! My family is so grateful for all the ways you loved us. I still have a process ahead, but knowing we are not alone is such a big part of working through all of this.
Lastly, I was reminded how fast life can change. Enjoy the time you have been given and take the time to nurture the relationships in your life. God has a funny way of throwing curve balls to help you learn to trust in Him. It's how you deal with those twists and turns of life that will write on the wall of who you are.
Happy 2012!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
A Christmas Blessing
Well today brought good news from my surgeon. I received word that my pathology results came back from my bilateral mastectomy. They showed no cancer in my right breast and only a residual amount in my left breast. It was all as it should be and all of that chemo really did do its job. My muscle has some atrophy (weakening) but that was to be expected since the tumor was originally growing on it. The surgeon said they got ALL of the cancerous tumor removed! I can't tell you how good it feels to have NO cancerous tumor growing in my body!!!
I went to the plastic surgeon yesterday and got one more of the drains removed. My right one is still in as it is still collecting too much fluid to be able to remove it. I have another appointment Friday to hopefully have it removed. I am really hoping I can be rid of it before Christmas. I am off all pain meds as of last Saturday and according to Dr. Burgess that is almost unheard of so soon after surgery so I am thankful to have been feeling pretty decent. Don't get me wrong, it still feels "uncomfortable" but not painful.
Part of me feels bad today for getting such great news. A lady who I met at the cancer center who was going through another fight with her cancer that had spread to her bones and her brain lost her battle this afternoon. I have only talked to her a few times, but I find myself continuing to think about the loss their family has just endured. She has a daughter Courtney's age and another high school aged daughter. I just can't imagine how their family must be feeling today. I'm sure they are thankful for her not suffering any longer, but what a loss for their family. Please pray for peace and comfort for them and this is another good reason to continue to pray for a cure. I feel so thankful and fortunate to be in such good condition, but can't help thinking that could have been me if I hadn't found my tumor soon enough.
As one friend put it, I received an early Christmas blessing today. May you all feel the blessings and hope that this season offers.
I went to the plastic surgeon yesterday and got one more of the drains removed. My right one is still in as it is still collecting too much fluid to be able to remove it. I have another appointment Friday to hopefully have it removed. I am really hoping I can be rid of it before Christmas. I am off all pain meds as of last Saturday and according to Dr. Burgess that is almost unheard of so soon after surgery so I am thankful to have been feeling pretty decent. Don't get me wrong, it still feels "uncomfortable" but not painful.
Part of me feels bad today for getting such great news. A lady who I met at the cancer center who was going through another fight with her cancer that had spread to her bones and her brain lost her battle this afternoon. I have only talked to her a few times, but I find myself continuing to think about the loss their family has just endured. She has a daughter Courtney's age and another high school aged daughter. I just can't imagine how their family must be feeling today. I'm sure they are thankful for her not suffering any longer, but what a loss for their family. Please pray for peace and comfort for them and this is another good reason to continue to pray for a cure. I feel so thankful and fortunate to be in such good condition, but can't help thinking that could have been me if I hadn't found my tumor soon enough.
As one friend put it, I received an early Christmas blessing today. May you all feel the blessings and hope that this season offers.
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